Mar 282011
 

The most common answers to this question are things like money, success, power, and physical attributes like height or build. In the media we see the hottest girls with guys who have influence, like movie stars or high profile business executives. We see them with guys who look like they were engineered from some strangely perfect genetic blueprint: tall, well built, with perfectly symmetrical features. We see them with guys who have their own private jets, garages full of sports cars, and insanely oversized houses.

On the surface it might seem like things such as money, power, and success are the key to getting the best women, but for the most part nothing could be further from the truth. To pull a page from the psychology nerd handbook, correlation is not causation, or just because two things go together, doesn’t mean one is a result of the other. Getting girls is not a result of having money. If you’re not going after the girls you want because you think you need more money, you’re wasting time. Sure, some girls are attracted to material wealth, but why would you want them?

 

 

Like money, success won’t get you high quality girls. Some guys think going to school and becoming a doctor or a lawyer or something will get them girls; if you think this will work, save yourself ten years, go out tonight, and lie about what you do. If anything, you’ll do worse than usual. Girls will realize you’re bragging to get with them and you’ll come off as a douche. No one likes a douche.

I’d be lying if I said good looks won’t help you. They will, just not with dating. Being good looking, tall, jacked or whatever won’t do much besides get you laid. If you have no good qualities except for looks, you’ll get some freebies because girls think you’re hot, but they won’t be around for long. They’ll get bored and move on to some other guy. Don’t believe me? Read on.

 

If it’s not money, success, or looks, what is it?

 

Girls are attracted to things like social dominance, confidence, decisiveness, and a strong sense of identity, all conventional indicators of success and a high probability of survival. Our success as a species is more due to sexual selection than natural selection, meaning traits that women find attractive are more important than traits that allow you to survive. In the distant past these were the same: things like height and physical strength, but in modern society, social behaviours are more important than big muscles.

Women have evolved a very sharp ability to detect a man’s value.  Say you’re the boss of a big company, but your company tanks and you’re not the boss anymore. How would women know? Your behaviour. They would detect the changes in your behaviour, in your confidence, your body language, and the way other men react to you.

These subtle behaviours are called subcommunications, and subcommunications are the primary indicator of a man’s status and survival value. For men, a woman is either attractive, or she isn’t. For women it’s a bit different, a man’s attractiveness changes based on his behaviours and subcommunications. The trick to this is you can have confidence and all those other behaviours without a big house or expensive car, but most guys buy into social media conditioning and only display attractive behaviours when they have things they believe are important. This is exactly what creates the illusion that money gets women, when really it’s the underlying behaviours that go along with the money.

 

Why is social behaviour so important?

 

Women are attracted to guys who subcommunicate confidence because it means they’re likely to keep calm and make good decisions during intense situations. They’re attracted to guys who subcommunicate dominance because it means they will likely overcome other men in competition. Basically, women are attracted to men who have traits that will give her potential offspring a better chance of making it in the world.

Now I’m not saying you should go out and try to be dominant in all situations or anything like that, nor am I saying you should give up on having a sweet job or making lots of money. Money is good, but don’t try to make money so you can impress girls; make money so you can do fun things and improve the quality of life for you and your loved ones.

The reason I wrote this article is to give you an idea of what women are really attracted to and why. It’s like the whole catch a guy a fish or teach a guy to fish thing; most of the articles I write are focused on developing key traits in one way or another rather than giving advice for specific situations. Understanding the basics of how attraction works will help you see the underlying reasoning in what I write, and cut through all the stupid shit you see in movies or Maxim magazines.

 

Like this post? Share it:

What Do Women Find Attractive? 

The most common answers to this question are things like money, success, power, and physical attributes like height or build. In the media we see the hottest girls with guys who have influence, like movie stars or high profile business executives. We see them with guys who look like they were engineered from some strangely perfect genetic blueprint: tall, well built, with perfectly symmetrical features. We see them with guys who have their own private jets, garages full of sports cars, and insanely oversized houses.

On the surface it might seem like things such as money, power, and success are the key to getting the best women, but for the most part nothing could be further from the truth. To pull a page from the psychology nerd handbook, correlation is not causation, or just because two things go together, doesn’t mean one is caused by the other. If you’re not going after the girls you want because you think you need more money, you’re wasting time. Sure, some girls are attracted to material wealth, but why would you want them?

Like money, success won’t get you high quality girls. Some guys think going to school and becoming a doctor or a lawyer or something will get them girls; if you think this will work, save yourself ten years, go out tonight and lie about what you do. If anything, you’ll do worse than usual. Girls will realize you’re bragging to get with them and you’ll come off as a douche. No one likes a douche.

I’d be lying if I said good looks won’t help you. They will, just not with dating. Being good looking, tall, jacked or whatever won’t do much besides get you laid. If you have no good qualities except for looks, you’ll get some freebies because girls think you’re hot, but they won’t be around for long. They’ll get bored and move on to some other guy. Don’t believe me? Read on.

Girls are attracted to things like social dominance, confidence, decisiveness, and a strong sense of identity, all conventional indicators of success and a high probability of survival. Our success as a species is more due to sexual selection than natural selection, meaning traits that women find attractive are more important than traits that allow you to survive. In the distant past these were the same: things like height and physical strength, but in modern society, social behaviours are more important than big muscles.

Women have evolved a very sharp ability to detect a man’s value. Say you’re the boss of a big company, but your company tanks you’re not the boss anymore. How would women know? Your behaviour. They would detect the changes in your behaviour, in your confidence, your body language, and the way other men react to you.

These subtle behaviours are called subcommunications, and subcommunications are the primary indicator of a man’s status and survival value. For men, a woman is either attractive, or she isn’t. For women it’s a bit different, a man’s attractiveness changes based on his behaviours and subcommunications. The trick to this is you can have confidence and all those other behaviours without a big house or expensive car, but most guys buy into social media conditioning and only display attractive behaviours when they have things they believe are important. This is exactly what creates the illusion that money gets women when really it’s the underlying behaviours that go along with the money.

Subcommunications are the reason logical attempts to pick up girls fail miserably. Girls might care about your job because it affects your ability to provide for her and future children, but they will never feel attracted to you just because you’re an engineer. Women are attracted to guys who subcommunicate confidence because it means they’re likely to keep calm and make good decisions during intense situations. They’re attracted to guys who subcommunicate dominance because it means they will likely overcome other men in competition. Basically, women are attracted to men who have traits that will give her potential offspring a better chance of making it in the world.

Now I’m not saying you should go out and try to be dominant in all situations or anything like that, nor am I saying you should give up on having a sweet job or making lots of money. Money is good, but don’t try to make money so you can impress girls; make money so you can do fun things and improve the quality of life for you and your loved ones.

The reason I wrote this article is to give you an idea of what women are really attracted to and why. It’s like the whole catch a guy fish or teach a guy to fish thing; most of the articles I write are focused on developing key traits in one way or another rather than giving advice for specific situations. Understanding the basics of how attraction works will help you see the underlying reasoning in what I write, and cut through all the stupid shit you see in movies or Maxim magazines.

 Posted by on March 28, 2011
Mar 212011
 

 

overcomejealousy

 

After several first dates that didn’t work out, you find a girl who meets all your criteria for a keeper. You start seeing her a couple times a week, visits become sleepovers, and eventually you decide to be mutually exclusive with one another.

Strange things happen when a relationship gets labelled. When two people are “officially” dating, things that wouldn’t have mattered before are suddenly suspicious, like Facebook pokes, text messages, or a night out with the boys that runs a few hours late.

Like anything, it takes practice to become good at relationships. Society doesn’t acknowledge dating as a skillset, as something that can be improved on with practice, but that’s exactly how it is. If your relationships consistently fail after one month, three months, six months, you’re doing something wrong. The two most common mistakes when transitioning from the single life to a committed relationship are changing nothing, or changing too much.

Women aren’t going to stick around long if you go out every weekend and get hammered with your buddies, and the same is true of guys who stop everything and want to hang out 24/7 as soon as a girl expresses interest. There has to be a healthy balance of independent activities and time spent together, and it can be frustrating in the beginning when both of you are trying to find out what works.

If you’re the jealous one, it’s time to step back and take a look at yourself. Confident, secure men aren’t jealous; they have a lot going for them, they have a solid sense of who they are, and they understand that there’s nothing wrong with two people having independent interests while in a relationship. Lots of women have male friends, and that’s cool – as long as both of you agree on boundaries.

If your girlfriend makes a fuss every time you want to hang out with your friends, have a sincere talk with her instead of getting angry about it. Jealousy is an indicator of insecurity, so let her know she has nothing to worry about. Explain that your friends are an important part of your life and if she wants to date you she has to be cool with them. Sometimes a talk and some reassurance will help the situation, other times you have to be patient as you build trust, it all depends on the woman. If she doesn’t come around, it’s likely a sign of more serious issues – cut your losses and move on.

Although severe jealousy is a problem, occasional jealousy isn’t. It’s completely normal, but it’s important to realize acting on your feelings of jealousy never results in a positive outcome. Being suspicious of your partner won’t make it less likely that they will cheat, and if you give them a hard time either way, what’s their incentive to be loyal?

Instead of being suspicious or critical, be supportive. If your girlfriend wants to go out with her friends, don’t make a big deal out of it. Tell her to have a good time and leave it at that, she’ll appreciate the gesture and it will show her you’re a confident, secure person.

 

Like this post? Share it:

 Posted by on March 21, 2011
Mar 142011
 

Ah, the good old friend zone. A term synonymous with many frustrating hours spent listening to a girl whine about some dickhead who treats her badly, holding her stuff whenever she asks you to, and every other emasculating thing you can think of. You stick it out though, because one day she will realize you’re a stud, apologize for overlooking you all this time, and you will make babies together. Or not…

The only reason a woman puts a man in the friend zone is lack of intent on the man’s part. A woman will assume you either aren’t interested in her or lack the balls to make a move unless you show her otherwise. Buying flowers, taking her to dinner, and listening to her problems are NOT ways of letting a woman know you’re into her.

Save the romantic stuff until you have a physical relationship of some kind. If you buy her gifts, pay for a night out at the movies, or do any of that stuff before you’ve established physical attraction, it comes across as desperate and needy instead of romantic. I’m not saying throw chivalry out the window, but there’s a clear difference between being courteous and being a pussy.

When you want a woman, let her know. Instead of hiding your intentions and trying to be her friend, be clear, confident, and direct about what you want. A woman will not get mad at you for expressing interest in her. She will not think you’re creepy if you tell her she’s attractive and you ask her out. Most of the reasons guys come up with to avoid being direct with women boil down to fear of rejection, so man up, get over it, and let her know you want her.

Being direct about your attraction will cause one of two things to happen.   Either she will shut you down, or you will make progress with her. Either way, being stuck as friends while you secretly want something more isn’t a possibility. So, what if you weren’t direct and got put into the friend category? How do you get out?

To make a long story short, you don’t. The only time a guy will fixate on a girl who isn’t into them is when they have no other options when it comes to getting a girl. By the time you address all the things in your life that force a girl to put you in the friend zone, that one girl who wouldn’t date you a long time ago won’t matter anymore.

Quick Recap:
1) YOU friend zone yourself.
2) Be direct when you want a girl. If you express interest, you won’t be in the friend zone.
3) If attraction isn’t mutual, move on. Fixating on a girl who doesn’t want you makes no sense, and it’s weird.
4) If every girl you’re interested in friend zones you or shuts you down, contact me. I will figure out why girls aren’t attracted to you and help you get the results you want.

 

Like this post? Share it:

 Posted by on March 14, 2011
Mar 072011
 

Confidence. I’ll tell you how to get it, but first I’ll tell you why you shouldn’t fake it. When I say fake it, I mean study what confident people do and mimic it; this is not good. Confident people act the way they do because of something they feel innately, and if you try to piece together and reverse engineer confidence you will be at it for a long, long time. Not only that, but it will never be real, and nothing can replace REAL confidence.

Why are confident people confident? Let’s start with a definition: confidence is the ability to handle anything life throws your way.

By the time I am done school, I will owe the government around $100,000 in education loans. Some people avoid school for no reason other than fear of accruing so much debt, but does it stress me? Absolutely not. Why? Easy – I am in full control of my actions, and I have more faith in my ability to solve problems and overcome challenges than I do in any other person. I truly believe in myself, so investing $100,000 to improve my abilities makes more sense than investing it anywhere else.

Why do people stress? Why don’t you have confidence? The short answer is you don’t believe in yourself. If you lack the confidence to do something, look at the issue at hand and figure out what skills you need to accomplish it. If you aren’t a confident person in general, spend some time dwelling on yourself. Are there any legitimate reasons why you shouldn’t be confident?

Most people lack confidence due to the two basic fears: fear of death, and fear of the unknown. All fears stem from these two issues. If you get anxious before doing something, does that mean you’re afraid of doing it? I don’t think so. You’re afraid of the unknown. You’re afraid of what might happen. If you haven’t experienced something enough to be comfortable with it, then you don’t know what might happen if you do it. You’re afraid because you don’t know.

Why are people afraid of spiders? They aren’t, at least not directly. They’re afraid of death. They don’t know if a scary looking spider can kill them with a bite. In this case, it’s an effective evolutionary mechanism because some spiders WILL kill you if they bite.

The reason you aren’t making progress towards your life goals is because these root issues cause fear. You’re trying to cover your fear by pretending you aren’t afraid, and you make excuses to avoid taking action. Pretending sucks. It feels shitty. It’s restrictive. In this case, fear of the unknown is still an effective survival mechanism, but it leads to a safe, secure life of mediocrity. It leads to blending in, being average, and subscribing to the limits imposed by society. I cannot think of a more terrifying reality, yet it seems most people I meet subscribe to this way of life.

Sit by yourself and consider what you’ve done with your life, where you’re at, where you want to be, how long it will take to get there. How do you feel? Nervous? Afraid? Uncomfortable? Anxious? If so, figure out why. I bet it’s because you’re unsure of yourself. And I bet you’re unsure of yourself because you don’t know your limits. You don’t know what you can handle. You don’t know how capable you really are, and you’re afraid that maybe you aren’t.

What’s my point?

Start living life; discover and explore yourself and your limits. Go skydiving, see how scared you get. Revel in how great you feel after that chute opens and you realize it wasn’t so bad.

Walk away from the screen right now, and drive to Vancouver. Take a look at how beautiful the ocean is. No? Because of work? Call in sick. What are they gonna do, fire you? So what? Get another job. Scared you won’t be able to? Do it anyway.

Enjoy the mountains, be amazed by life. When you get to the water, talk to the other people enjoying the natural beauty. Walk around, see the trees, the beautiful women, the mountains, the water… maybe you’ll decide to stay. Maybe you’ll come back. But when you’re back, you’ll realize that the responsibilities and “restrictions” you THINK you have aren’t actually that restrictive.

People objectify so many things in their lives – they make trivial obstacles into these huge, daunting, physical things in their mind. You have to realize that you don’t NEED that job, you don’t NEED the stability you think you do. You will feel so free when you experience walking away from everything in your life for a day, only to come back and realize the world survived just fine without you. It liberates you, it allows you to feel how unrestricted you are, it will empower you.

Stop being scared. Stop being a slave to your own mind. Live, experience, gain confidence. Be real. You will succeed with women too, but that’s really a miniscule benefit. Life is so far above and beyond women it’s insane.

Get out there and start living.

 

Like this post? Share it:

 Posted by on March 7, 2011