Apr 252011
 
Ever wonder how to transition from casual dating to a serious relationship?

 
Most of us have experienced a serious relationship by accident, usually when we really like someone we’re dating and it just naturally develops into something more.

But what if it doesn’t develop naturally – how do you turn a casual relationship into a more serious one?

The best way to answer this question is to study what happens when a relationship naturally grows from something casual into something more serious, and then try to follow the natural progression as closely as possible.

Over the years I’ve recognized several factors that drastically increase the chances of a casual thing becoming  a successful long term relationship, and distilled them into a simple series of steps that are easy to follow:
 

Step 1: Remove Your Personal Obstacles

You might be sabotaging your own relationships without even knowing it. Things like baggage from past relationships, deep personal issues, substance addictions, and financial troubles are all examples of personal issues that can work against you.

You want to get serious, but she doesn’t want to until you get your life handled. Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out what’s holding you back, and having an objective person to help you through this process is massively helpful – click here to check out our specialized coaching.
 

Step 2: Develop an Attractive Lifestyle

An attractive lifestyle is a well balanced way of living that incorporates a career you’re passionate about, hobbies you enjoy, personal time Casual Dating to a Serious Relationshipalone, ample physical activity and an active social circle. What does this have to do with transitioning from casual dating to a serious relationship?

Every aspect contributes in some way to personal and relationship well being. An active social circle eliminates neediness and ensures you’ll never be sitting on the couch together every weekend. Working out regulates stress levels and keeps your body looking good. A well rounded lifestyle is key to having healthy relationships.
 

Step 3: Communicate With Her

Assuming you and your date are on the same page is a bad idea. While you might be thinking things are going great and continue happily on to date five or six, she might be thinking of calling it quits because you haven’t even invited her over yet. When it comes to dating, everyone has different expectations about when certain milestones should happen.

When you start to feel like there’s a potential future, it’s a good idea to talk to her and see how she feels. A relationship is a two way street, and if you want things to go smoothly it’s important that your vision and her vision of how the relationship will move forward are in sync.
 

Step 4: Get Serious

Casual Dating to a Serious Relationship

People often look at getting serious as some complicated, mysterious thing, but it really isn’t. Getting serious is nothing more than opening up and getting comfortable with each other in a more personal way. After you’ve talked and decided you both see potential, increase the depth of your connection by sharing meaningful experiences together.

As your relationship develops, you’ll gradually hit milestones along the way. Some examples of milestones that will bring you closer together: sleepovers, giving her a drawer at your place,  taking care of her when she’s sick, showering together, the first time she takes a dump at your house (for girls this is a big one!), traveling together, and so on. This is how people move from liking each other to loving each other.

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 Posted by on April 25, 2011
Apr 182011
 

 

 

Talking about how to develop yourself to the point where you’re ready for a long term relationship could fill an entire book (which I’m writing), but there are three easy things you can do that will drastically improve your chances of having a happy, healthy relationship.

 

 

1. Do everything you want to do that might interfere with or ruin a long term thing

Most common reasons young couples split? Infidelity, substance abuse, and excessive partying, to name a few. I’m not promoting drugs or unsafe sex, but if you’re at all curious about drugs, drinking, and orgies, get that stuff out of your system while you’re single. If you want to try coke or experiment with a threesome, go try coke or have a threesome. How long do you think you’ll be able to resist your curiosity if you don’t? Months, maybe even years, but the point is eventually you’ll give in and it will likely ruin your relationship when you do.

2. Discover your passions and pursue them

A passionate man is an attractive man. If you have no passions in life, no desires, no hobbies, not only will you seem one dimensional, but you’ll lack that sense of confidence and fulfillment a man has when he’s doing what he loves. If you aren’t fulfilled by your sense of passion and purpose in life, you will try to use women to fill that void. You will become dependent, needy, and emotionally off balance, none of which are attractive qualities.

3. Develop a balanced lifestyle and stick to it

Happy, successful people are balanced people; they have a great sense of how to maintain different areas of their life. Develop a healthy, balanced routine of maintaining yourself physically, socially, mentally, and emotionally, and don’t let a woman pull you away from that. If you go to the gym on Wednesday nights and have poker with the boys on Mondays, a relationship shouldn’t interfere with those things. If you stop taking care of yourself or neglect your lifestyle, your relationship will suffer. 

 

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Talking about how to develop yourself to the point where you’re ready for a long term relationship could fill an entire book (which I’m writing), but there are three easy things you can do that will drastically improve your chances of having a happy, healthy relationship.

1. Do everything you want to do that might interfere with or ruin a long term thing

Most common reasons young couples split? Infidelity, substance abuse, and excessive partying, to name a few. I’m not promoting drugs or unsafe sex, but if you’re at all curious about drugs, drinking, and orgies, get that stuff out of your system while you’re single. If you want to try coke or experiment with a threesome, go try coke or have a threesome. How long do you think you’ll be able to resist your curiosity if you don’t? Months, maybe even years, but the point is eventually you’ll give in and it will likely ruin your relationship when you do.

2. Discover your passions and pursue them

A passionate man is an attractive man. If you have no passions in life, no desires, no hobbies, not only will you seem one dimensional, but you’ll lack that sense of confidence and fulfillment a man has when he’s doing what he loves. If you aren’t fulfilled by your sense of passion and purpose in life, you will try to use women to fill that void. You will become dependent, needy, and emotionally off balance, none of which are attractive qualities.

3. Develop a balanced lifestyle and stick to it

Happy, successful people are balanced people; they have a great sense of how to maintain different areas of their life. Develop a healthy, balanced routine of maintaining yourself physically, socially, mentally, and emotionally, and don’t let a woman pull you away from that. If you go to the gym on Wednesday nights and have poker with the boys on Mondays, a relationship shouldn’t interfere with those things. If you stop taking care of yourself and neglect your lifestyle, your relationship will suffer.

 Posted by on April 18, 2011
Apr 112011
 

 

3. Keep the spark alive

 

 

Like the other points in this article, this one is massively important. One of the most common arguments against monogamous relationships is that being with the same person for years gets boring, and over time the spark or chemistry fades. For some people, the question isn’t how to keep the attraction alive, but if it’s even possible to stay physically attracted to someone over such a long period of time.

It’s definitely possible. When you meet someone you’re attracted to, there’s usually a particular thing that makes you feel drawn to them, maybe the way they hold themselves, maybe their vibe, maybe the way what they’re wearing shows off their body. Sexual attraction is a prerequisite for any great relationship, and over long periods of time it’s easy to take someone for granted and forget why you were so into them in the first place.

Check your partner out. Stare at them as if you don’t know them, allow yourself to remember the rush you got the first time you met. If you find the sex isn’t as exhilarating as it used to be, hold back for a couple days. It’s easy to overlook your girlfriend’s great ass or nice legs when you can touch her anytime you want. A lot of relationships lack sexual tension because couples get too comfortable groping each other whenever. Try limiting yourself to the same physical boundaries that existed before you got together, and let the tension build up for a couple days before breaking it.

Keep things spontaneous. Avoid routines, go to new places, do new things, and never stop bringing each other little surprises when they’re not expected. Don’t let everyday tasks interfere with quality time together; make room for dates, road trips, and adventures.

4. Communicate

Although this rule applies to general everyday life, it takes on an entirely different level of importance when you live with someone or spend almost every day with them. Little problems that you hold in to avoid petty arguments turn into repressed anger, which isn’t really bad in small amounts, and in day to day life is a great way to avoid needless drama. But when you’re around someone every day or close to every day, you’re exposed to them in a very different way than when you’re casually dating once a week.

Little habits might rub you the wrong way, and if both of you try to avoid the issue for the sake of having a tranquil relationship, eventually bottling those little bits of anger day after day will result in a huge blowout – this is usually the cause of the ‘first big fight’ in a relationship.

Arguing is not only normal, but healthy. Being in a relationship is the joining of two separate people, each with their own opinions, beliefs, and ideas – it would be weird and unnatural if two healthy individuals NEVER had conflicting ideas. I’ve been living with my girlfriend for about two and a half years now, and we have our share of healthy arguments.

You aren’t doing your partner any favours by holding in your emotions. If something bothers you, let them know. If something is on your mind, chances are it’s on their mind too, so man up and talk about it.

 

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3. Keep the spark alive
Like all the other points in this article, this one is massively important. One of the most common arguments against monogamous relationships is that being with the same person for years gets boring, and over time the spark or chemistry fades. For some people, the question isn’t how to keep the attraction alive, but if it’s even possible to stay physically attracted to someone over such a long period of time.

It’s definitely possible. When you meet someone you’re attracted to, there’s usually a particular thing that makes you feel drawn to them, maybe the way they hold themselves, maybe their vibe, maybe the way what they’re wearing shows off their body. Sexual attraction is a prerequisite for any great relationship, and over long periods of time it’s easy to take someone for granted and forget why you were so into them in the first place.

Check your partner out. Stare at them as if you don’t know them, allow yourself to remember the rush you got the first time you met. If you find the sex isn’t as exhilarating as it used to be, hold back for a couple days. It’s easy to overlook your girlfriend’s great ass or nice legs when you can touch her anytime you want. A lot of relationships lack sexual tension because couples get too comfortable groping each other whenever. Try limiting yourself to the same physical boundaries that existed before you got together, and let the tension build up for a couple days before breaking it.

Keep things spontaneous. Avoid routines, go to new places, do new things, and never stop bringing one another little surprises when they’re not expected. Don’t let everyday tasks interfere with quality time together; make room for dates, road trips, and adventures.

4. Communicate
Although this rule applies to general everyday life, it takes on a whole different level of importance when you live with someone or spend almost every day with them. Little problems that you hold in to avoid petty arguments turn into repressed anger, which isn’t really bad in small amounts, and in day to day life is a great way to avoid needless drama. When you’re around someone every day or close to every day, you’re exposed to them in a very different way than when you’re casually dating once a week.

Little habits might rub you the wrong way, and if both of you try to avoid the issue for the sake of having a tranquil relationship, eventually bottling those little bits of anger day after day will result in a huge blowout – this is usually the cause of the ‘first big fight’ in a relationship.

Arguing is not only normal, but healthy. Being in a relationship is the joining of two separate people, each with their own opinions, beliefs, and ideas – it would be weird and unnatural if two healthy individuals NEVER had conflicting ideas. I’ve been living with my girlfriend for about two and a half years now, and we definitely have healthy arguments all the time.

You aren’t doing your partner any favours by holding in your emotions. If something bothers you, let them know. If something is on your mind, chances are it’s on their mind too, so man up and talk about it.

 Posted by on April 11, 2011
Apr 042011
 

 

1. Trust Your Significant Other Completely or Move On

Trust is by far the most important part of any relationship, and it’s no surprise that some of the most common reasons couples experience relationship issues are related to a lack of trust. Jealousy, insecurity, and suspicion are all things that erode the foundation of a good relationship and lead to its gradual decay.

All couples, no matter how rock solid their trust in one another, experience moments of doubt. It’s completely normal, but questioning your significant other interrogation style to try and glean any hint of deception will do more damage than good. Ultimately, it’s impossible to know if your partner is telling you the truth, so it comes down to choice: either trust them, or don’t. Taking a ‘sort of’ approach will only lead to problems. If you’re not with someone you can trust completely, you’re not with the right person.


2. Commit Wholeheartedly

There are literally millions of different people out there you can marry and be happy with. Each one will offer something different, excite you in different ways, and aggravate you in others. The notion that there’s someone perfect out there keeps people from committing whole heartedly, so they sort of dip their toes in the relationship waters so it’s easy to get out if something better comes along.

Your likes and wants change throughout life, and there will always be someone out there who you think is a bit better looking, maybe a bit more adventurous, or a bit better in some little way. Being with someone because they’re the best is a terrible approach and will always leave you feeling unfulfilled. I’m not saying you should settle; settling will only lead to resentment and regret.

Be with someone because you want to be with them, not because you need to be. Be with them because they turn you on, they have good character, and they’re fun to be around. Be with them because they make you happy, make you laugh, and accept you for who you are. I don’t believe anyone is perfect, but I do believe some people are good enough. If you find someone like this, make the decision to commit to them, and have the balls to stick it out when it gets tough.

Check back next week for Part 2!

 

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 Posted by on April 4, 2011