Apr 242012
 

You don’t need money to be attractive to women.

 
You don’t need to be tall.

You don’t need to have a magazine worthy body either.

To understand how to be attractive to women, you have to understand how attraction works. Women are attracted to value, and most guys understand this – the problem is they don’t understand what type of value women are attracted to.

Lots of guys try to project the wrong type of value, usually by talking about their high salary job, or by acting in an overly nice way.

How to be Attractive to Women

A perfect example of projecting the wrong type of value is the guy who always ends up in the friend zone. This guy presents little value to a woman in terms of attraction, but lots of value in terms of friendship.

She keeps him around to get rides and free dinners, and he provides her with these things to secure her companionship.

He resents her for not being attracted to him, but he doesn’t realize it’s because he’s projecting the wrong kind of value.
 

Women want social value.

 
For the most part, men spend their lives building professional and financial value, and the reason they struggle with women is because they try to attract them by projecting it.

Any guy who has tried to attract a woman by talking about how much money he makes, his position at work, or his BMW will know most women could care less about professional value.

They want a man who is confident, fun to be around, and easy going. Taking care of your body and making her feel beautiful won’t hurt either.

The socially valuable guy is the one who’s laughing with his friends, telling stories and having a good time, teasing her playfully and making her feel desired.

How to be Attractive to Women

Ever notice how you seem to be more successful with women when you’re out just having a good time? It’s because you aren’t approaching women with a hidden agenda, using lines or stories to get her to like you. In fact, you aren’t trying to get anything.

You’re just in a good mood, spinning girls around, saying whatever comes to your mind, and everything seems so smooth and effortless. You’re GIVING value instead of trying to GET value.
 

Women are attracted to guys who aren’t afraid to put themselves out there.

 
Women are attracted to men who are confident, funny, laid back, and outgoing. The type of man who isn’t shy about expressing his interest and speaking his mind.

Every woman likes being around a guy who feels good about himself and makes her feel good too. Make a conscious effort to develop these qualities, and become the guy with a cool, interesting lifestyle and an attractive personality.

Guys who try to take value are easy to spot. They’re out at bars and clubs wondering what to say, how to act, and generally have no idea what to offer a woman – which is why they feel the need to develop pickup lines and techniques.

If you’re a high value guy, you don’t need to come up with witty stories or lines, you can just approach a woman and be yourself. Value takers typically get frustrated when they’re told to “be yourself” because they haven’t developed an attractive self, and the advice doesn’t work for them.

Find out how to develop a naturally attractive lifestyle, and learn how to be comfortable and confident around women. If you’re the type of the guy who doesn’t know what to say or you feel like being yourself won’t work, click here to check out our personalized coaching programs.

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 Posted by on April 24, 2012
Apr 092012
 
It’s commonly said that if you like someone you should put off having sex with them until you build a non-sexual foundation together, but is this good advice?

 

How Many Dates Before SexFor some people, it’s great advice – but it’s not great advice for everyone. When it comes to dating and relationships, there aren’t a bunch of golden rules that work for everyone. Some people need to establish a strong connection before they have sex with someone, which can take several dates. Others are comfortable sleeping with people they barely know, so first date sex isn’t a bad idea.

How many dates should you wait? As many as it takes for you to get comfortable.

If you’re both comfortable enough on the first date and you both want to do it, there’s nothing wrong with that. The only time having sex will have negative effects is when it’s done before one or both people are comfortable. Sex has earned a bad reputation because lots of people blame their short-lived relationships on having sex too soon.

If two people are genuinely committed to serious dating, they aren’t going to end a potential long term relationship with someone they like because of how soon or how late they have sex. Most couples have sex within the first few dates, and since very few relationships end up lasting long term, it’s easy to see why people would mistakenly associate early sex and short lived relationships.

The idea that being friends first leads to a healthier romantic relationship stems from a misunderstanding of how social relationships work.

 

All social relationships are a constant interplay of comfort and attraction. It doesn’t matter if a relationship starts with two friends who get romantic, or a hook-up that grows into something more; either way results in a romantic relationship and neither route is superior to the other. The picture below helps illustrate how comfort and attraction work together, with different boxes representing the balance of comfort and attraction required for different types of social relationships.

These boxes are an example of how a person’s boundaries might look. Keep in mind these boxes will be different sizes and be in different positions depending on the individual.

A visual of different social relationships

The ‘relationship’ box above symbolizes the amount of attraction and comfort necessary for this person to have a romantic relationship.

It doesn’t matter whether someone is a hook-up or a friend – both have relationship potential. A hook-up would have to build comfort, while a friend would have to build attraction.

 

There is no “right” amount of time you should wait before having sex with someone you really like. It depends on your own personal boundaries, what type of relationship you have with them now, and what type of relationship you want to have with them.

Check out our coaching if you’re frustrated with your dating situation –  we’ll pinpoint the things holding you back and tell you how to overcome them so you can attract and date the type of people you’re interested in. Or, click here to find out more.

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 Posted by on April 9, 2012
Mar 302012
 

Arguing isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, it’s a necessary part of a healthy relationship.

There’s a big difference though between fighting and arguing, and it’s important to both know the difference and know how to communicate effectively.

 

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 Posted by on March 30, 2012
Mar 302012
 
If you’ve ever felt anxious about running out of things to say on your first date, or having a bunch of awkward silences, you’re not alone.

 

What to Say on a Date

At one point or another we’ve all worried about running out of conversation, or not having anything to talk about.

I’ve always found this amazing, because most people in the dating pool have upwards of twenty years life experience. How can someone with twenty years of interesting experiences and stories run out of things to talk about in less than a few hours?

The short answer is – you don’t.

Think about how things are when you’re around a really good friend: conversation flows naturally, you bounce back and forth between a bunch of different topics, and no one ever talks about one thing for very long. When you’re with someone new, the social pressure of the situation can cause you to become self-conscious and start worrying about how things are going.

This pressure prevents you from being present in the moment and behaving normally, but there’s a way around it.

The secret to having smooth conversation even when you’re feeling uncomfortable is learning how to use conversation branching to your advantage.

 

When people are having a good time, they naturally branch topics, and if you become aware of how conversation branching works you can do it well in any situation.

What to Say on a DateEverything a person says is loaded with branches that provide you with the opportunity to take the conversation in a new direction.

Say for example you ask a girl what she did last night, and she says “Not much. Went out with some friends then relaxed at home for a bit and watched some TV.

Within her response, there are at least three obvious branches: watching TV, going out with friends, and not doing much.

The key to transitioning from boring fluff conversation like this into fun, more natural conversation is humour and teasing.

 

Here are three possible replies to what she said that incorporate teasing, open up additional branches, and generally move the vibe away from boring conversation and towards either fun, flirty conversation or relating and rapport building.

“Oh no… you’re not one of those Jersey Shore reality TV addicts are you?”

“Where’d you guys go?”  ( wait for her response, then tell a funny or cool story about going out with your friends that relates to her answer )

“Long week? You don’t really seem like the stay at home type.”

All of these responses avoid the interview style trap so many guys fall into, and her answers will allow you to branch out again or continue with fun banter a bit until you find another topic you want to talk about. When you’re good at transitioning naturally from topic to topic you don’t need to worry about what you should say or what topics to bring up; things will seem a lot more natural and you’ll have a lot more success.

If you aren’t naturally outgoing and want to become more social, expand your social circle and learn how to talk to women naturally, click here to check out our affordable one-on-one coaching.

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 Posted by on March 30, 2012
Mar 242012
 

The best way to get out of the friend zone is by staying out of it in the first place. Check out this video on how to avoid being thrown into a girl’s friend zone.

 Posted by on March 24, 2012
Jan 242012
 

What Attracts Women?Do women look at you and think you’re worth dating?

Do they think you’re relationship material?

High value women can tell in an instant if you’re a date or a dud. Everything from the way you hold yourself to the way other people react to you gives her the information she needs to make a decision.

Take a look at our checklist and see how you stack up.

#1. First Impression

Before you open your mouth, and possibly before you even notice her, she’s already forming an impression of you. Are you well groomed? Are you well put together? Do you look nervous?

If you don’t look like you give a shit about your appearance, you’re already dead in the water. I’m not saying you need to be Giorgio Armani, but you do need to make sure your nose hair stays in your nose.

Be comfortable in a social atmosphere, and if you aren’t, try your best to fake it for now. Maintain good posture, solid eye contact, and project your voice. Go out more, get used to mingling with others, and eventually being confident and comfortable will come naturally.

#2. Your Non-Verbal Giveaways

Don't be nervous on a dateIt’s impossible to monitor and control each of your thousands of subtle non-verbal giveaways. Lots of guys try to do this  and they come across as awkward and unnatural, so instead focus on the things that cause you to display unattractive non-verbal cues in the first place.

One of the best things you can do is get comfortable with who you are. As cliché as it sounds, it’s true – if you don’t like you, and you aren’t happy with who you are, no one who is satisfied with who they are is going to like you.

Figure out what value you bring to the table; what can you offer that other guys can’t?

When a guy is uneasy in his own skin it’s extremely unattractive to women. Know who you are, what you’re about, and be proud of it.

#3. Are You Inexperienced?No experience? Hire a dating coach and get out there

When an attractive woman is screening for a potential date, she doesn’t want a guy she has to teach along the way. She wants a guy who knows how to take charge, who is accustomed to being around attractive women, and who has seen a thing or two in life; not a guy who acts like it’s his first time talking to a hot girl.

If you have no life experience – especially in terms of dating – it’s going to be difficult to be a fun, interesting, value giving guy. If you have great stories, cool experiences, and lots to share, you have lots of value to give. Ultimately, the most attractive thing to a woman is value, so get out there and live a little.

#4. How Do You Handle Relationships?

If you have no idea about relationships, you’re probably going to screw a few up. That’s OK – it’s part of the process.

Like anything though, it helps to know someone else who has already made a bunch of mistakes so you don’t have to. Take our in person dating bootcamp, and we’ll fly to your city and teach you 1-on-1 for an entire weekend. We’ll pinpoint the things that are holding you back and coach you through your biggest obstacles, then break down the dating process so you can start dating RIGHT AWAY. Click here for more info.

If that’s not an option, you can take our online course from the comfort of your own home. It covers everything you need to know if you want to attract and date a high quality girl, and includes four FREE 1-on-1 Skype coaching sessions. Click here to learn more.

 

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 Posted by on January 24, 2012
Dec 282011
 

Why Do Girls Cheat?

 

Why do girls cheat?

At some point or another, almost everyone goes through it.

It starts with questions: Why? Why did you do it? Next is usually anger, followed by feelings of inadequacy, perhaps a good ole month or two (or four, or ten…) of depression, and eventually recovery.

Asking why girls cheat as if there’s one blanket statement to explain it all is ridiculous. When girls decide to cheat it’s usually a combination of several things, but sometimes it isn’t: sometimes they’re just insecure, validation seeking whores.

Assuming the latter isn’t the case, what are some of the common explanations of why girls cheat?

Well, there’s an evolutionary bit saying they want Mr. Good Genes around the time of ovulation; there’s a common sense bit saying if they aren’t satisfied they’ll turn to others for satisfaction, and there’s the bitter man’s view that all women are just insecure, validation seeking whores.

 

Women cheat when they feel a lack of satisfaction in their relationship, usually related to a lack of passion from their man.

 

Basically, if a girl feels like you don’t want to fuck her brains out like you used to, she will be tempted to find someone else who does. Especially if she’s hot. And she better be – if you’re a regular reader who doesn’t have a hot girlfriend, click here to find out how to get one.

I recently did a video where I rant (in HD, for your viewing pleasure) about how dumb it is to worry about girls being cheating due to factors outside your control. Regardless of why she cheats, the only factors you should even acknowledge as existing are ones you can do something about.

Watch the video, and when you’re done scroll down for my top tips on how to keep your girlfriend satisfied. No, penis pills did not make the list.

 

 

 

How Do I Avoid Getting Cheated On?

 

Several people email me this one each week – which is good, because it means me staying up late writing this might help someone, somewhere. Here are some of the best ways to make sure you keep your relationship on the up and keep your woman satisfied.

1) Stop Dating Backwards

Guys put their best foot forward in the beginning, often bringing a girl surprise flowers, taking her to dinner, and being so adventurous Indiana Jones looks like a doofus by comparison. No woman wants to stay in a relationship that gets worse as it goes, but that’s almost always the case.

Guys set the bar high then let it slip as the relationship moves on, resulting in the girl feeling disappointed and unsatisfied.

2) Make Her Come

The importance of great sex is almost never given proper attention.

Be open minded, and NEVER make her feel judged. Encourage her to talk to you and explain what she wants and how she likes it. Use toys! Lots of guys seem intimidated by this, but it’s really not that hard – women LOVE vibrators. Go get a small one, but make sure it’s got some kick (if you get a big one it makes certain positions difficult) and leave it on the bed with a sexy outfit of some kind.

She might be too nervous or shy to do use the new stuff right away, but her seeing you’re serious and open to kinky shit will reassure her that you won’t be a dick if she opens up about her freaky fantasies.

3) Communicate Effectively

Cliche time!

Really though, it’s amazing advice. If you don’t communicate well, she won’t feel comfortable bringing things up with you. If you get angry or defensive when she critiques you or voices concerns, she’ll communicate with Bob down the street instead.

Be open minded, relaxed, and learn to roll with the punches. Don’t get mad at her if she tells you you suck in bed or she’s feeling unhappy lately, be grateful you have a solid woman who comes to you instead of running to someone else.

Lead by example and talk to her when you have issues.

 

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 Posted by on December 28, 2011
Aug 152011
 

When you hear someone ask how to get women, the response is always something related to having better ‘game’. Most dating instructors and coaches break it down further, into phone game, day game, club game, and about every other conceivable variation of game you can imagine. While these microcosms are useful for targeting specific problems, like guys who are great until they get a girl on the phone, in my experience more progress is achieved when men work on their overall lifestyle.

Back in the mid 90’s, there was a men’s movement – facilitated mainly through internet forums – involving a bunch of guys who reverse engineered how to attract women. These ‘pick up artists’ (or PUAs) would observe successful guys and study common factors in their interactions, until they could isolate certain things the successful guys were doing. They made it into this wildly complicated process involving routines, lines, formulas, and entire manuals with step by step instructions. Some guys memorized over two hours of rehearsed material.

These imitators completely missed the core essence of why the successful guys do well. Instead of looking at the lives of these successful guys, finding commonalities, and then changing their own lives, they just copied successful behaviours. They never improved themselves; they just put up a façade of being cool and interesting. After they ran out of rehearsed material, the curtains lifted and the girls were gone.

I spoke about this at the Alberta Social Summit, check it out:

 

 

Sometimes these imitator types would get into a relationship, but it would fail miserably because of the gnawing insecurities underneath their polished exterior. Instead of just improving game or social skills to get better with women, I’m suggesting guys build total attractiveness and value as a man. There’s no denying a guy needs to be socially intelligent to do really well, but the key to meeting and getting quality girls is being a quality guy.

A few months ago, a friend of mine contacted me asking for advice. He was an emotional wreck. He slept with 56 girls last year, and he no longer felt any enjoyment from sex. When he felt sad or empty he would call girls over, and this worked for a while, but eventually the emptiness wouldn’t go away regardless of who was around. He couldn’t maintain a relationship for more than a month or two and was on a downward spiral.

If you focus hard enough on social skills, eventually you’ll become insanely good at attracting women. The problem is so many guys build up incredible social skill sets without a foundation, and like anything else not properly built, fall apart. To attract women, it’s necessary to realize why the successful guys behave the way they do. For the most part, it comes down to having a balanced, fulfilling, exciting lifestyle.

You don’t need fancy lines or cold reading skills; you just need to be a well-balanced, socially intelligent guy. Having a career you’re passionate about, developing a style that reflects who you are, being satisfied with your body, building a solid social circle, and doing fun things are all examples of ways you can be a naturally attractive person. All of these things will make you happier, more confident, and open the door to new social connections.

If you’re ready to start making positive changes in your life, contact us for a FREE consultation.

 

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 Posted by on August 15, 2011