Whenever you interact with someone, your brain is constantly monitoring their behaviours, their body language, and the way others react to them in order to establish their social standing. Ever notice how people are reserved when they first meet each other, or how people don’t really open up until they have a ‘feel’ for one another? There’s a good reason for this – read on.
In social animals like humans, making a social mistake can be costly. To avoid this, evolution has gifted humans with a sort of social radar, a part of the brain that constantly pings others for indicators of social value. Social animals do this to determine the social status of others around them, which is important so they have an idea of how to behave in an acceptable way.
Before going any further into the article, watch this video of an unemployed, average looking guy competing for women against a rich, better looking dude – and destroying him. After the video I’ll explain how it makes perfect sense that the poorer, uglier guy wins.
The concept of social value is so important because of a loophole in the way people perceive it. If the way you act is consistent with the way high value people act, it doesn’t matter if you’re ACTUALLY a high value person or not. The video above shows a guy who isn’t good looking, rich, or powerful walking up to some of the hottest girls in the club and generating attraction. It’s not money or good looks that get women; it’s the confidence and swagger that usually go with those things.
Do good looks get women?
If good looks got women, every good looking dude would have a hot girlfriend. If you’ve ever left your basement, you’ve seen tons of good looking guys with average or below average looking girls. The same thing can be said about money. The only real consistent factor in guys who have great girlfriends (and great friends in general) is high social value.
To understand how girls feel when low value guys hit on them, think about the feeling you get when a homeless person approaches you. Here’s a story that explains this phenomenon perfectly:
When I see a homeless person approaching me, I KNOW they can’t offer me anything and are only interested in taking value from me, so I shut them down. One time when I told a homeless dude to get lost, he stuck around and started making jokes, and I laughed a bit. I started to ease up, and within a minute or so my opinion of him changed so I gave him a couple bucks.
Hot girls go through the EXACT SAME sequence of emotions with guys.
They’re so used to getting bombarded by loser guys that they immediately shut most guys down, and it’s an effective filter. Low value guys give up at the first sign of challenge. High value guys are used to challenge and know that sometimes you have to push through a bit of adversity before you succeed. She doesn’t know if you’re cool or not, so you have to put yourself in a situation where she can see it.
Cultivating value takes time. Obviously you can’t just wake up one day and decide you’re a high value guy; like anything it starts as an idea, if the idea seems reasonable it becomes a belief, and if you have enough experience supporting the belief it becomes knowledge. Everyone has some idea of what kind of guy gets the best girls. If you don’t match your idea of the ‘worthy’ guy, start improving yourself and improving your lifestyle until you become the worthy guy.
Be the party instead of looking for the party. Be an exciting, interesting, passionate person who contributes and enhances whatever is going on. Develop your social awareness, and if you feel drawn to someone, think about why you’re drawn to them and incorporate it into your own lifestyle.Think about the coolest guy you know and what makes him different from you. Consider your role models and why you admire them. Work on yourself until your positive beliefs become knowledge. Most of all, have fun.
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